


See What I've Become

by roguelightning



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27182324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguelightning/pseuds/roguelightning
Summary: She shouldn't have met any of them in the first place while time-travelling. But fate had led her to break that rule time and time again, punishing her each time. They had feared her, despised this new version of her. All except one man. Basically Helen's thoughts after she slips and sleeps with Nikola after going back in time.
Relationships: Helen Magnus/Nikola Tesla
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	See What I've Become

She could feel him pressing against her back, bare skin on bare skin, his heart pounding in his chest, and she couldn’t help a small smile at that. This probably hadn’t been her best move, all things considered, but she couldn’t deny that she had needed this. Not the sex, though to say it had been amazing would have been the understatement of the century. No, what she had needed was a lot more specific than that.

Thing was, the man she had loved for ages hated her. Hated what she had become so much that he had been ready to erase her history to get things back the way they had been. Back when she was a doe-eyed blonde who loved him dearly, that was. Back when he still thought he could turn her into a decent housewife. Feeling sorry for his death had been pretty hard after that. Meeting him again in the past while he was going through one of his worse periods made it even harder.

Then it was James. Her best friend, her lover for a few years, and yes, that may have gone badly, but she had still thought she could trust him. But while he had helped her, he was also appalled by her, by this version of her she had become. And what was worse, he had treated everything as some sort of a curiosity. What could have happened to her that had made her like that, he asked. And while she knew the answer to that, she also knew that she couldn’t tell him a word. They made peace with each other in the end, but she had still lied to him and she had still run away before he could figure that out.

She gave Nigel no chance to see her like this, but then again Nigel had always been more preoccupied with his French girls than with her. And for that, she was grateful. She had a tendency to pull men towards her, like a black hole pulling stars in her gravity field, and few of those men came out of it alive. Actually only one of them had, not without her help, and she would have lied if she said that she was unhappy about it.

It wasn’t that she was naïve enough to think that you could expect someone to love you unconditionally, to love you no matter what becomes of you. She was way too old for this kind of trivial dreams. But to have someone who took one look at this future version of her and, instead of cowering back in fear or disgust or both, licked his lips, was oddly comforting in a way. The others had treated this version of her like she had gone stale somehow, like the years had made her tougher and less desirable because of this. Nikola on the other hand had treated her like she was a fine wine, one that had only got better with age. He had opened her and savored her up to the last drop and while her neck still hurt because of that, she wasn’t complaining.

And now the same man was holding her in his arms, his skin hot against hers and she would have given anything to make this last more. But she was still messing with history and she had already done way more than she should have. She couldn’t have this. At least not then.

“I can almost hear you thinking,” he muttered, his brow furrowing at that.

“So?” she challenged him. “Maybe I’m thinking nice thoughts. You gave me a lot of reasons for that tonight.”

“That I did,” he agreed, a smile playing on his lips. “But Helen,” he added, his tone downright sinful at that point, “I really don’t think what we did qualifies as nice thoughts material.”

“My neck still hurts,” she complained and it was enough to get him to pepper her neck with kisses, especially over the place that still bore the mark of his teeth. He probably intended it to be soothing, but the way her body reacted to that was nothing like that. So she had developed a very specific kink that was related to an almost extinct race, she thought as she shook her head in disbelief. It was a good thing she was in love with the sole survivor of that race, at least- No. She had not just thought that, she chided herself. There was no time for love in her life, especially for the last man on earth that was supposed to find out time travel was a thing.

She couldn’t have him, she knew that. But she could hope that he would wait for her. And if she could have that, it was only fair she gave him hope as well. So she kissed him sweetly, her lips carefully tracing his, as if she wanted to imprint everything about them in her memory. The way they felt against her own, the way his breath hitched when she sank her teeth into his bottom lip, the way he tasted, but most of all, the way he looked at her, like she was the most amazing thing in the world.

“I have to go,” she whispered as she broke their kiss and took his hands in her own.

“I kinda saw that coming, yes,” he sighed.

“I really don’t want to do this to you,” she said as her hand cupped his cheek. “I will explain one day, I promise. But until then… thank you.” This brought a smile on his lips. “Really, Helen? A thank you is all I get? Given the way you screamed my name, I was kinda expecting a more elaborate thing.” She rolled her eyes at that.

“I could have lived without knowing what sleeping with you feels like, Nikola,” she said seriously. “It would have been a more boring existence, true,” she added when she saw his look, “but that’s not what I’m thanking you for.” When he said nothing, she continued, “We both know I changed, Nikola,” she said seriously. “I am not the Helen you know anymore, and yet the first thing you thought when you saw me like this was-“

“Yummy,” he finished the sentence for her. “It took me a while to form more coherent thoughts, but you can’t blame me for that.”

“And this is what I’m grateful for,” Helen sighed. “This is who I am now, Nikola. And it has downsides and you’ll end up hating those, but the fact remains that you saw what I became and you embraced it instead of running from it. I promise I will never forget that.”

“I’d be a bit disappointed with myself if you forget this night in the next century, actually.”

“I mean it, Nikola,” she insisted. “Whatever happens after this, whatever I say, know that there is a ver- I mean a part of me that will always remember this.”

“And would said part of you be interested in say… more of this?”

“Not now. But maybe in time-“

“It’s a good thing I have plenty of that,” he smiled. “And I have you to thank for that. So I’ll wait if that’s what you want me to do.”

She couldn’t give an answer to that, at least not one that she didn’t make her burst in tears. Because she wasn’t merely asking him to wait for her. She was asking him to live the next 70 years watching her jump in James’ arms, completely oblivious to this night they had spent together. She was asking him to watch her break a promise her younger self had no idea she had made, and she was asking him not to hate her despite all of that. It was way more than it would have been right for her to ask of him, she knew that, but she had no choice. However, as she kissed him one last time, her lips lingering on his way more than they should have, she allowed herself to be hopeful.


End file.
